My months of July, August and September had been pure downers. Reason being is that our long running tasks had stopped giving us work, thus, leaving our wallets empty. My 1 consistent task had been our primary source of income since July, which is a bummer because we're just on our first year of ten year - amortization for our house. So, we're practically living from paycheck to paycheck. Good thing we were able to somehow fund for our house improvement. There's nothing more to improve really as we got ourselves a finished type house but we still need to have a fence constructed that time. It took us around 70-80K pesos to have the fence and gate constructed which really drained our savings.
Even after moving in, I didn't feel happy. Probably because a day before our supposed original date for move in, we were submerged in flood waters (which is another story). But I guess it was more of feeling worried about how moving in to our very own house would make us more responsible to complete the payment and worried that if we don't finish it we would end up living in the streets (too morbid to even think about it now). I'm worried that we don't get another task soon, and this current one decides to kick me out, I'd end up cramming for some mediocre jobs.
Then one day in August, my husband made a comment that made me super worried about everything. He said "I would be surprised and happy to see us pay for this entire house and we're still working in Odesk". That made think everyday. I had so many what if's. What if the company I'm working for decides to just close like what it did a year ago where I didn't sleep for days just to be able to apply for a job in Odesk. What if hubby doesn't find a job soon and we'll start selling some of our stuff or pawn my jewelry again, worst, pawn our wedding rings. I thought that working from home was and is still the best job there is, but in reality, it's not a stable job. You can get hired in an instant yet be fired faster than you getting the job.
That's also part of the reason why I said yes when the HR rep from Dell Malaysia asked me if I would like to continue with the process of me moving to Malaysia and work for them. I took it after 2 days of rethinking though, but I'm still thinking if working abroad is really my thing.
Up until now, I feel depressed, sad most of the time and gets easily angry at anything. I feel unhappy at work, unmotivated to go out and I feel that I lack the inspiration though part of my dream to have our own simple house. I don't have the means to be happy and I don't know until when I'm like this.
Please pray for me.
Even after moving in, I didn't feel happy. Probably because a day before our supposed original date for move in, we were submerged in flood waters (which is another story). But I guess it was more of feeling worried about how moving in to our very own house would make us more responsible to complete the payment and worried that if we don't finish it we would end up living in the streets (too morbid to even think about it now). I'm worried that we don't get another task soon, and this current one decides to kick me out, I'd end up cramming for some mediocre jobs.
Then one day in August, my husband made a comment that made me super worried about everything. He said "I would be surprised and happy to see us pay for this entire house and we're still working in Odesk". That made think everyday. I had so many what if's. What if the company I'm working for decides to just close like what it did a year ago where I didn't sleep for days just to be able to apply for a job in Odesk. What if hubby doesn't find a job soon and we'll start selling some of our stuff or pawn my jewelry again, worst, pawn our wedding rings. I thought that working from home was and is still the best job there is, but in reality, it's not a stable job. You can get hired in an instant yet be fired faster than you getting the job.
That's also part of the reason why I said yes when the HR rep from Dell Malaysia asked me if I would like to continue with the process of me moving to Malaysia and work for them. I took it after 2 days of rethinking though, but I'm still thinking if working abroad is really my thing.
Up until now, I feel depressed, sad most of the time and gets easily angry at anything. I feel unhappy at work, unmotivated to go out and I feel that I lack the inspiration though part of my dream to have our own simple house. I don't have the means to be happy and I don't know until when I'm like this.
Please pray for me.
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